Waking up

A few months ago I posted an Instagram photo showing my (slightly neurotic) morning alarm system. My cousin commented. To summarize, he said to only set one alarm and live my life with more integrity. Upon reading his comment I became defensive. I explained that having a sleeping disorder makes waking up on time difficult.

But is this true? Was I lying to defend my laziness? I do have a sleeping disorder… self-diagnosed admittedly, but some nights I simply cannot sleep. Growing up, my father was a clinically diagnosed insomniac, so I’m uncomfortably familiar with the symptoms.

My many morning alarms are an accurate metaphor for my journey with weight loss. When one diet doesn’t work, I move to the next… and then the next, with the self-made promise that at some point I’ll wake up and begin my life. I’ve committed to Weight Watchers for the next three months and I’m already waning. I don’t track as much and I’m struggling to make healthy, wholesome choices. I’m not sure what’s wrong. It’s not for lack of wanting and its certainly not lack of needing, as I both desperately want and need to shed the lbs.

My repetitive failures definitely do not bode well for my already lack luster self-confidence. For the past two…maybe even three years I’ve wanted to complete a Whole30. You can see me enthusiastically blogging about it below. I’ve gotten as far as day seven and then I give into the alluring comfort of food. Sometimes I think I won’t ever succeed until I have to  succeed…

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